Mercury in retrograde?

I would like to cordially invite Miss Mercury to bite my ass. Sideways. According to the information on the link posted above, this clusterphuk won't be over until December the 5th? Perfect. I schedule a yearly decline from December 10th through Febuary 2nd every year for purely personal reasons and now this? Mercury is seriously torquing my chi.

Before the Horrible Hollidays hit, I would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone to love one another just a little bit more this year. You just never know if that "I love you, honey!" will be the last time you get the opportunity to say that to someone. I really don't want "Fuck you, fuck you right in the ear!" to be the last thing you ever hear from me. (Unless you happen to be Mercury in Retrograde personified, in which case, fuck you twice).

I am thinking of lost opportunities. Letters unsent. Kindnesses not given. Assholery is alive and well in the world, but it just takes so much damn EFFORT on my part to work myself up into a good snit. While it occurs to me that I could, in fact, bitchslap you into the middle of next year, I choose instead to sit back and watch the universe have her way with you.

Politically Correct Halloween Greeting Cards.. and some other stuff..

Don't pass up the opportunity to have a Politically Correct Halloween. The Reverend (Mother) Jerry Falwell would probably love this shit. Of course, he did once refer to NOW as the National Organization of Witches, so I think it's appropriate that I mention this so close to Halloween.

http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/religion/televangelists/jerry-falwell/

Most of the reasons why Jerry Falwell makes me hurl are listed there. Anybody who says that Teletubbies are tools of the devil has a screw loose. Teletubbies are most certainly NOT tools of the devil. The politically correct term is "Henchmen".

Halloween's coming, are you Politically Correct enough?

Holy hell, that newsbite scares the crap outta me. WHEN did we become a nation of pansy assed self righteous nutjobs?! I've put up with people taking the Merry out of Christmas, but now this?! You too can support pansy assed left wingers. Just scoot on over there and order your Free Trade Safe for Halloween Chocolate. Pucker up skippy, cause you know that shit's not cheap. Don't forget to pick up your Fair Trade Trick or Treat Action Kit or the Global Exchange Chocolates. Be a good little Democrat, order 2 of each.

Happy Halloween, y'all.

Blinded by the light...

Literally blinded.. my head hurts.. it's HangoverCentral here today. Drove over to Tallulah yesterday with a good friend. As we crossed the Mississippi river I sniffed the air and declared that I was going to move to Louisiana as soon as possibe. I can't describe it, it just smelled like Home.

Where else in the country can you drive around town with a car load of women, happily snookered, wine glasses in hand, laughing your asses off and not get pulled over for some obscure offence? If there's another part of the country one can do this in, please don't tell me about it. I have found my Nirvana, and Louisiana is IT! I didn't want to come home. Next time we go roadtrippin, I may have to take my own car.

To add insult to injury, I have just been notified that The Louisiana Connection are now recovering from last night by knocking back Bloody Mary's. I have just been advised that I need to drink some of the Hair of the Dog that bit me. I am taking this under consideration.

Oh, one more thing. I have fallen in love. His name is Macon and he has the most georgous brown eyes I have ever seen. We are planning a hot date on The Patio just as soon as I can get my tail back to Nirvana. Although his table manners need a little work, I do believe I can help him in that regard. Now, if he would only quit drooling...