Now accepting applications.... Apply within..

Must be older than me, not married, no girlfriends or fiance's, self sufficient, independant, able to wash own laundry, make own bed, clean own house and cook own meals. Any children must be grownups and therefore not able to interfere with relationship. If you're still raising kids, get back to me when they leave the nest, skippy.

Must be kind, caring, compassionate, able to mix drinks at the drop of a hat, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound.. wait.. different program..

Must have a sense of humor. Must be able to laugh and play. Must have sufficient time for laughing and playing. Note: sufficient time does NOT mean Halftime or commercial breaks.

Must enjoy watching Greys Anatomy or be able to pretend to do so. Must understand when I cry at the end of every episode. Note: tears stop when diamonds appear, I'm just sayin'...

Must have a zest for life, a yen for wickedness and be available nights, weekends and holidays. Must take me shopping at my favorite Toy Store. To do this requires wearing dark glasses and long trench coat. Be prepared to use your credit cards.

Must have sufficient time and resources to pay proper attention to moi. Must know that my favorite color is Diamonds. Must be available for relationship and not a "playa".

Must NOT: Hunt, fish, own a four wheeler or anything that requires Big Mud Tires. Mother must be deceased. Must not be a redneck. God save me from rednecks. I have had it UPTOHERE with rednecks.

Must NOT be from The Delta or anywhere else that requires travel outside of the tri-county area. I'm not burning rubber for ANYBODY. The only exception to this rule is if you supply the transportation (titled in my name) to a shiny new Mazda Miata convertible.

Must NOT be jealous. Or nit-picky. Or juvenile. Or selfish. Or want children or ANYMORE children. The babymaker is permanantly closed. Must not use Grecian Formula or any other hair coloring products. Your own hair (if you have any) will be sufficient. Must understand that I will be the major consumer of hair products, not the other way 'round. Must not be "fussy".

NO FREAKS NEED APPLY.

To apply, please submit a resume listing experience, 15 references, credit score and valid certificate of divorce and mothers death certificate. References and background checks will be done and mothers death confirmed. A reference from Juniker Jewelers would also be helpful.