My teenager is trying to kill me...

That's my theory, anyway. What do you do with an 18yo who blows her paycheck on what I think is probably likker and maryjane? I am repeating the serenity prayer and trying hard not to KILL HER DAID. Not that I'm such a shining example of motherhood, mind you, but on the whole I'm not that bad. I am currently cooling my jets at my friend LULU'S house (Hi Lulu!) and wishing I could give the fruit of my loins a brain transplant. Oh wait, that was me that needed the transplant. Oh well.

I had a treatise on America and why the Tax System is Fatally Flawed, but the computer just ate it. Really. I think Big Brother's been peekin' at my blog again. Next year instead of mailing them a check, I'll just send a vial of my blood, since that's what they seem to want anyway.

Good Luck and God Bless to all who had to pay the Tax Man this year. I feel your pain. I really do.

There is a reason that library computers suck

I don't think it's any accident that "www.dooce.com" loads SO MUCH SLOWER than the "www.goingjesus" website on this system. This is probably a Southern Baptist computer system. At least that's my theory. It also refuses to let me view PerezHilton, Rotten.com or TMZ. Bastards.

It's been awhile.... so shoot me

I don't have any super cool links for this post. This is just to check in to say I AM NOT DEAD YET and really don't plan on being dead anytime soon. I have been working on decorating my new apartment and making yet another Really Adorable baby blanket for Lexi, my GodDaughter by Default. It's default of her mama and daddy.... haha.

I'm looking for a roommate who isn't weird, drug addicted or crazy. Apparently there isn't anyone out there that meets my specifications. This is no big surprise as I live in the WaySouth where everyone is either inbred or insane. Or both. My career is on hiatus since October. I am looking forward to getting back In The Loop really soon as I am getting bored of crotcheting, reading and hiding under my bed. Not necessarily in that order.

xxoo
J

By all accounts I shouldn't be here...

I've been keeping busy, crocheting, learning to knit and just generally losing what's left of my mind. On the upside, my mother is - probably temporarily - treating me with kid gloves and is actually acting like someone I'd like to know. For once.

And so we come to the Christmas season. Nutjobs - crazier than I - are killing innocents in shopping malls. I care about that. I do not care if BritBrit is still showing her hoohoo, what Lindsay is up to, or even PerezHilton's latest update on all the whoors in Hollywood. Although, they've certainly been entertaining lately.

There are more than a few things I wish I could go back and do differently and this season, more than any other makes me think about such things. There's nothing I can change about the past, but I can certainly go forward trying every day not to fuck up as badly as I did the day before.

So that's my message for you, and for myself really. You're doing pretty damn good if you can screw yourself up just a little less every day. Merry Christmas, y'all.

It's almost time... are you ready kids?

The above link takes you to some Halloween ghost stories...

And just so you don't forget, stock up on the candy now while you still can. If you run out on Halloween night, you're screwed. I am planning on leaving a bucket of suds outside my door since we'll be celebrating the Day of the Dead and I don't have time for midgets dressed as Britney Spears (before and after she went to hell in a handbasket, underpants optional).

Well hell, I was gonna bitch about this..

Especially since that link tells me that at 39 I AM MIDDLE AGED.

And then I read about baby Fatima being found under garbage in Baghdad, her parents and uncle having been murdered, and I realized that throwing a private bitch fest over the fact that I made it one more year just really isn't that important.

Information we Did Not Need To Know

Unless I'm mistaken, the United States is the only country in the world that gives annual reports on the state of the President's ass. Living in America...